“I Need a Ride Home…..” Christmas, 2023.

The day Mom closed on her new house in town was the same day we buried my dad – 4 years later.

And the day Mom closed on her old house, November 30, 2023, was the beginning of the Holiday season which always comes with so many emotions.

In the months leading up to the sale of her home, we spent a lot of time going through all the things. And yes, my dad did have approximately 3,789 nails and he did keep paperwork from the 80’s.

But, nonetheless, eventually it was time to say goodbye to the place where most of my childhood and many of my adult memories were made.

So on the very last day that I went to the house, I brought my camera along.

The camera used to shoot beautiful food and once made me a living that I found a ton of creativity and inspiration through. It’s now dusty, and truthfully, I tried to do this project a week prior but when I got out to the house realized everything on it was dead.

There I was on a cold and super windy day, though, camera in hand.

I took it outside to finish one last round of the property, documenting the things I wanted to remember for me – for JJ – for Mom.

Every single step I took was a new memory that would emerge.

I shed some tears.

Maybe they were tears from the countless hours spent mowing so I could “go into town,” or maybe they were produced from the fear when I flipped JJ’s dirt bike and it was just inches from completely falling on me.

Perhaps they were tears from all the parties I’d throw when Mom and Dad came home early or the parties I threw when they didn’t come home and Mikey and J-O-E-L were “babysitting.”

I’d guess a tear or two was remembering all my dogs that we had out there and how much I adored playing with them or how mad I’d get when Dad wouldn’t let them in the house during the coldest days.

My last few tears, though, we certainly from spending countless hours on one of Dad’s old beat up trucks talking to Mom and Dad at the end of the day while they had a few beers.

The final tear….

was from my last few times sitting with Dad in the garage as he smoked a cigarette and told me stories about old photos hanging on the garage walls, making sure to never get rid of certain ones.

Anyways, it was quite the last time I had perusing the Jewison property.

But here’s the thing I noticed more than anything else…..

It was not the same.

Everything had changed.

The property seemed darker and duller; most things had died, and while I realize it was November and not June, Mom confirmed that the same was true even in the nicer months.

Project for Mom + JJ

And even still, I wanted a way to document what was and what is.

I had over 100 pictures that last day from outside, and I wanted a way to give them to JJ and Mom for Christmas this year.

…..but I wanted to blend some of the past, too.

One day while Mom was gone from her new house, I went there to sift through old pictures.

To my surprise there were so many from inside the house and those were the ones I wanted to remember the good times by.

Countless “good times” to remember, but for the life of me, I’ve watched this video dozens of times already and still can’t get through it without a gulp in my throat.

Probably never will.

And I think that’s okay because what it truly signifies is a life that was so well lived out there in the country.

I Need a Ride Home

In her song, I Need a Ride Home, Carly Pearce states…..

Mom and Daddy sitting on the front porch waving hello
Yeah I need a ride home

I guess this sort of sums it all up.

But now you can’t go back.

You’ll never see them sitting on the front porch, waiting for your arrival. And you’ll never be able to get a ride back home.

Because it is no longer home.

And yet, this is what I learned about growth, change, and leaving the past —

It’s okay.

Sometimes our memories glorify too much; for better or for worse.

Instead, we can let those memories exist for what they are – memories.

The past can shape, but doesn’t have to define us.

Instead, we can let it be what it was – hold or not hold space for it – and move forward in a way that keeps it in a safe place while still…..ultimately, moving forward.