This week I was listening to a podcast and they referred to real, biological children.

The context was someone who was going through IVF and was so happy because the doctor was able to give her “real, biological children.”

As Mother’s Day was looming, I couldn’t help but think….

… opposed to fake, adopted children?

I remember being in those IVF shoes. The drugs. Countless pokes to the belly. Syringes that I’d toss in a tiny, safe red container. And the endless nights wondering, Would I ever get to become a mom?

It has been 12 years since that final failed IVF cycle; some of those years I spent processing it more than others.

And for whatever reason, these past several months I began thinking about it more. So, honestly, it should have come as no surprise that hearing those words would pop up in a podcast this week.

Here are my two biggest blessings from the failed IVF:

  1. I’m no longer one of those people who believes that you’re only a “real” mom if you have “real, biological children.”
  2. I am a Mom – a real one – to 3 incredible human littles.

There is nothing wrong with IVF, and as I’ve stated hundreds of times in my life – we do wish it would have worked. No one goes into it wishing for failure.

But there is something wrong with the stigma that “….but if I adopt a child s/he won’t feel like my own.”

Try telling our children that we are not their “real” Mom and Dad, and they get angry. They are sad. And they are confused. (I know because all three have been told it.)

I’ve always loved Oprah’s quote, ‘Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.’

Because it’s the truth.

And as you’re reading this today, I hope that no matter how motherhood has found you this year that you know it’s real. I have friends with biological children, adopted children, current foster children, children who have passed, and step children.

And they are all real, human beings.

Join the magic and chaos.



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