Today is August 13, 2019 – the day Dad went to be with the Lord.

I took Georgie outside to go the bathroom late tonight. I stood in our driveway while she ran around, and I looked up at all the stars asking, “Where are you, Dad?” Tears rolled until Ryan came to hug me.

It’s been close to two years since dad was first diagnosed with Cancer. He left the Earth today, on August 13, 2019 in the very early morning hours — just my mom there.

He was peaceful and today I thank God that He let him go so peacefully with nothing but a few candle lights and my mom, the center and love of his life.

Today was also five weeks to the day when our lives fully turned upside down. During this time, Dad wanted us to remain private. As hard as it was, we respected his wishes. I’m glad we did because those final five weeks were really great (also hard) and super tight knit.

I’m battling with my heart. I literally feel like a piece of my heart is gone because it is. There are so many things I want to share and express, but to be honest, I don’t have much logic in my mind and with those thoughts.

They are just there, and I am just letting them be.

Staying Present

I know that time will heal the awful pain that currently is, but for now, I’m just staying present with it. I’m feeling the awful hurt, but I’m also remembering all the amazing things about him.

So much of who I am, for better and worse, is because of my dad. {Also for better or worse, I got my nose from my dad 🙂 }

Family, good friends, his dog(s), and the immaculate yard he cultivated and cared for 24/7 were his life.

I never expected to lose my dad at such a young age. And yet, I can’t help but still find gratitude….gratitude that God gave me him as my dad and that I had 36 beautiful years knowing him.

I’ll continue going through photos of him. I’ve been calling it, “Hanging out with my dad.” I’ll put them together for his celebration of life on Friday (wake). On Saturday, we will say our final good-bye’s.

Dad told us before he left that he was in and out of another world. My mom told him, “It’s a beautiful world.” I have to believe, no matter what, that God is there, God is here, heaven is real, and Dad is finally at peace — here with us forever.

p.s. Thank you to everyone who has called, texted, messaged. Your thoughts have not gone unnoticed. For anyone who has asked what you can do….pray for my mom, please. She has been through it all, and your prayers are most appreciated.

p.s.s. Yes, yes I DO have to go through all my wedding pictures today and it’s like this beautiful mess of a knife ripping through my soul and smile permanently stamped there, too.

Join the magic and chaos.




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