Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Ten}.
Call it something. Call it nothing. Or call it anything. But I have so many big emotions, today on your 10th birthday.
By the way, here are all of your previous birthday letters:
- Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Eight}
- Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Seven}
- Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Six}
- Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Five}
- Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Four}
- Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Three}
- Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Two}
- Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is One}
Dear Samarah,
Today you are 10, and gosh danggit you’re now holding up two hands.
Someday when you’re old enough to read these, you might wonder a few things.
First, why there are now only links for year seven and eight?
The answer is that I chose to remove any and all public information about you on other sites during your ninth year. (Don’t worry, I still have your letters so you can see them if you want.)
Then, you might wonder where year nine went?
I’ll tell you all about that someday when you’re old enough, too.
And finally, you might wonder why this, on your tenth year, is the first year where there are no pictures of you – as you are today.
This one is my favorite!
Because, in addition to removing you from my other website, I now also don’t show your face online (or Maya’s or Zaya’s).
Mama has been doing a lot of work on herself and for you little darlings. You’re far better kept off the Internets.
It’s a crazy, crazy world and I’ll keep you tight to my vest until I no longer can.
Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Ten}
But today you are ten.
You are no longer that little baby I cried endless tears over, but instead you are growing like a little weed into this beautiful girl.
So much about you has not changed, and yet so much has.
As someone who has adored your every move since you were two months old, it’s been both heavy for me, but also totally inspiring to witness.
You cling to wanting to stay little forever, but yet you grasp for getting older and flying far and wide.
During this past year, you endured a challenge we never saw coming. But you also had so many highlights. My life with you is just as much a surprise today as it was the first day I saw you.
You’re ten now, so you’re starting to ask more questions about your “Tummy Mommy,” but the difference between you and your brother and sister is that you ask far less questions and, when the questions about adoption come up you are very quick to say — but YOU are my only Mommy and Daddy is my only Daddy.
You have this deep inclination to feel what others might not even know they are feeling.
Your sense of intuition with what is happening around you is wise beyond your years.
Instead of being served, you serve. (Like, you’ll take an entire grocery run and make food for anyone you see outside! Yeah, we go broke; you serve – ha!)
You still love your dolls and babies and being very mother-like. BUT, you no longer are “girly” like you used to be. The LAST thing you’d wear is a tutu, and you have no problem telling boys that girls are stronger 🙂
I’ll leave you with this little note today on your tenth birthday, Sam:
When you first came home with us, I ALWAYS told you as I rocked you to sleep (or really any chance I got), “I hold your hand; you hold my heart.”
And to this day, you always have to hold my hand. You hold my hand to walk to the bus stop, and you want to hold my hand to fall asleep….every single night, without fail.
And THIS – this is my whole world, Samarah. Even when you’re angry at me. Even when we hurt each other’s feelings. And even when you’re getting too old for me to hold 24/7.
Your hand. My heart. Always. Always. And forever.
Happy Birthday, Angel Baby.
Xox,
SKH
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