I can’t stop thinking about this….is silence violence?

Here is the message I woke up to on Instagram this morning.

Now, to be perfectly clear, this message was not on a personal Instagram. It was on my business Instagram, A Gutsy Girl. Here is what that page is all about.

That’s right…..poop; the gut, helping women with IBS and/or IBD, and/or just living that optimal gut-healthy life.

So when I received the above message this morning, I published my Veggie Pad Thai recipe on agutsygirl.com, and briefly addressed it.

While I realize that I don’t actually owe anything to anyone, I also know that if I don’t write this out and share, I’ll dwell.

Because I do feel that I have a voice and something to say on the topic.

Is Silence Violence?

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noun. complete absence of sound.


noun. behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something.

They Rhyme

Silence and violence rhyme, so is that why the phrase is so common?

Because, by definition, what she told me in her message above was that no sound from me indicated physical force with the intention to hurt, damage, or kill.

When the cops stood by in silence, watching George Floyd die, that was silence leading to violence.

So, therefore, I had to take a step back to think about this all – in silence. I couldn’t help but explore the idea that if I stay (mostly) silent, am I part of the problem?

Maybe this is “White privilege,” but I believe that in no way, shape, or form am I part of the problem.

Let it be known and it should only need to be stated once, yet I’ll say it again —> I am sick and saddened by the George Floyd incident.

But long before this incident, I have stayed a sort of silent (or is just silent to the mainstream “public?” and people like anonymous Instagram messager?) while actively talking about the issues with African Americans, reading and learning, and starting with myself, in our home, fighting for and protecting our (African American) children.

But please do not mistake my (or anyone else’s, for that matter) lack of public silence as a lack of action. Last I checked they are not the same things. And also, the last time I checked, words mean jack s#$% without action.

I have……

  1. Read the Willie Lynch letter, recommended by a beautiful and intelligent Black woman I met around my birthday. You know who you are, and if you’re reading this – I am grateful for your voice and support.
  2. Willingly said, “Bye Felicia” to a school that did nothing right by my children. (So yes, if you don’t think that’s real – it is.)
  3. Feverishly asked African-American social workers (Maya’s) in California, “When we move to Minnesota, what can I do? How can Ryan and I be the best for them?”
  4. Been open to comments and advice from the African-American community about how to do best by our children (even though they are our children). And guess what? I’ve even learned to do the girl’s hair, which was a huge learning curve for me because I didn’t understand the importance of it. So not only did I learn the how but also the why.
  5. Never pretended that I know what it’s like to be anything but White. And this is why I have continued to immerse myself in learning and keeping my mind open.

But I have not…..

Shared every single thought and opinion on a daily basis via social media. Clearly it’s not because I’m silent, violent, or anything in between. It’s that I don’t think I owe anyone or anything some huge, public announcement.

I also have not said that all cops are bad. They aren’t. In fact, I felt called to check in on one of my best friends in California last night to make sure her husband (who is on the police force in the Bay Area) was okay.

And honestly, I refuse to say that everyone in any one segment (White, Black, law enforcement, etc.) is the problem.

Because it’s not true.

That all being said, I have been fighting for my children long before this. And when this dust settles, I will still be fighting for them my entire life.

If you want the real, raw, and honest truth — so many times I’m afraid for their future, and that fear has silenced me publicly. My larger-than-life love for them also realizes that I will never know exactly what it’s like to be them.

However, here is what I will say today and what I know for sure.

I have never…..

Gone to a protest – peacefully or otherwise – because I am at home, with my three angel babies, trying to do everything in my power to create new beginnings.

Cleo Wade created this:

It’s sold out currently, and I want to buy it ASAP to support her beautiful mission and work.

This sentiment is being stated in many different ways. It’s the sentiment that change starts in our own communities and more specifically in our own homes.

If the things I have not done makes anyone feel that I am part of the problem, then that’s the opinion you get to keep.

In the meantime, I’m taking action – every single day – by raising my African-American children the best I can, with the resources I have and seek out. I keep my eyes wide open with the understanding that my eyes will never be able to see and feel anything but White. And when my little boy sees a cop with his knee to a Black man’s neck, I never stay silent to him – even if there are no words.

Join the magic and chaos, right where you need to be, HERE.




3 Responses

  1. Nice job Sarah! You are their protector, it does scare us what their lives will be like, we will never feel the racist stuff they will endure. In our little community we need to start interacting with police and showing them as Shakiyah said “they (cops)are here to help keep us out of trouble not get us into trouble”. I’m glad her little mind works that way but I also teach respect, kindness and use your words. Shakiyah says again”. I know grandma and George Used his words but the police didn’t listen “. Wow what do I say now but your right those officers made a choice that day that may ruin their lives forever. They also were sons, husbands, fathers and someone’s friend. But as your children grow, stand beside them, touch them as you enter a building as to say YES they are mine and I am proud of them and love them. So back off! Do not judge a book (person) by their cover (skin), open it and find out they have a heart just like you and me! Love those babies!

  2. You are correct, you owe nothing to anyone. You put your life out there, raw and real and unchanged. You don’t cover reality with lots of make up and sexy clothes, you share the ”real” in real life. I don’t understand how or why anyone can ask you or think they can demand for you to perform like a show pony, and join the mainstream when that is not your platform. I read A Gutsy Girl to get real information about my belly, not opinions or drama. Trust me, I have enough drama hence why I need A Gutsy Girl! I appreciate you addressing this person’s post, but I think you’ve said enough. I love seeing your beautiful babies in videos but never once have you ever introduced them noting the color of their skin. Maybe because you love them based on pure motherly love and “who” they are, not “what“ they are? Anyway, not that my opinion matters, but I think you’re wonderful. A wonderful teacher of all things gut, and from what we see in the big World Wide Web your a wonderful mom, a wonderful wife, and a wonderful person. Thank you for your time!

  3. ummm oh my god absolute mic drop I LOVE YOU and am so proud of you for this. wow. thank you. xoxox

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